2019 - 2020 REFLECTIONS, LEARNINGS AND INTENTIONS

Happy New Year! For the past few years I’ve written an - end of year/ beginning of the new - post, to reflect on the things I’ve learnt and the things I’m looking forward to for the next. I also use it as an exercise to look back at the previous year/s to see how far I’ve come - the failures, the challenges and how I did in fulfilling any goals that I set. Answer - not always as good as I was hoping, but that’s life - in the words of Lennon (and still one of my favourite quotes, because it’s just so true): “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” 

If 2018 was my year of transition - you can read about it here - then 2019 was my year of learning. It was a difficult year, but the past four months were especially hard. In September I had my heart horribly broken and I fractured my elbow falling down some steps. The latter was an accident of course, but I do believe it was symptomatic of how I was feeling inside: a physical manifestation (if you will) of feeling overly emotional, and therefore I was careless with my surroundings. Whilst walking into the very cool Reformation party during fashion week that was taking place in a skate park in West London, I didn’t see the two steps below me (yes, just two - that is all it took) and I tumbled very un-cooly and dramatically - arms (and probably legs) flailing - to the floor, landing on my elbow. I’ve always wanted to make a dramatic entrance to an event, but this was not quite what I had in mind. I sat there in a crumpled heap wincing and trying not to cry, until some lovely people picked me up and took me to a sofa, where I waited for a paramedic to come take a look at it.

I won’t say too much about the heartbreak or the relationship in this post, because I’m saving that for a more general article on what I’ve learnt from break-ups, spoiler: a lot! But I will say it has been tough not to get lost down the rabbit hole of self-doubt. Questioning what was wrong with me and what I did wrong. Writing this is actually making my eyes well up, as although I’ve moved on from the experience, I’m not 100% over it. Depending on what I’m doing, how distracted or focused I am, it can sometimes be a battle not to replay conversations and events in my head and let emotions of anger and hurt take over. Turning the volume down hasn’t been easy, but I’m working on it and each day those thoughts do indeed get quieter. I now have a lot of good tips for healing a broken heart! Watch this space, literally. 

But back to my cracked bone - as a result, I haven’t been able to do much exercise for four months and while I have recently started gently exercising again, I don’t have full use of my arm - but I’m learning to live with it. I also recently discovered that I have calcification in my shoulder (I went for a second x-ray), probably caused when I flung my arm back as I fell, to try and catch a railing. This explains the constant pain. 

Now, don’t worry, this post is not all doom and gloom - here comes the silver linings from both heartbreak and cracked bone. Because I couldn’t exercise and my mind wasn’t in a good place, I threw myself into researching nutrition, supplements, meditation and psychology (you should see my books wishlist on Amazon). Basically everything and anything that might help heal my emotional and physical wounds as quickly as possible. What I was putting into my body and feeding my mind with, were the only things I could control. And I’ve learnt a lot, cue multiple exclamation marks! 

I’ve learnt the merits of eating a predominantly plant-based diet (I watched Game Changers and What the Health, if you’re interested). I’ve learnt that turmeric is anti-inflammatory and that black pepper helps activate absorption. I’ve learnt how to make a really good golden latte (let me know if you want me to share the recipe!) I’ve learnt that magnesium aids sleep and helps prevent depression. I’ve learnt the basics of Ayurveda and some good breathing techniques, to calm the mind and re-balance the body. I’ve learnt to be kind to myself, as I would be to a good friend (ok, this is still a work in progress, but I’m doing a better job at it). I’ve learnt that my self-worth is attached to no one but myself (this one’s obvious isn’t it, but it’s funny how just aren’t fully aware of it until an experience forces you to be - yes the past few months might indeed have sent me on a little path of enlightenment and I will probably write more about it.) I’ve learnt that the most important relationship I have and will ever have is with myself - this is of course also a no-brainer, but it’s good to put that down in writing. I’ve learnt that when I don’t focus on myself and pour too much of myself into other people, I am in fact not my true or best self - again, not exactly rocket science, but has indeed been a learning. I’ve learnt to speak up for myself more. I’ve learnt to do podcast interviews. I’ve learnt to be more grateful of the wonderful things, people and opportunities that I do have in my life. I’ve learnt to listen less to others, when my gut is saying something else. I’ve learnt more compassion, but to also be more selfish. I’ve learnt to be stricter with my boundaries. And I’ve learnt that perhaps in a morbid way that I had to go through these experiences of the past year to take care of myself better in order to be my best version. They were big wake up calls and I’m now grateful that I had them. Most importantly I’ve learnt that I have to take care of myself better and take that self-care very seriously. If I don’t, I can’t do this work or try to be a source of inspiration, which is ultimately what I am aiming to be and create.

I re-listened to Jay Shetty’s podcast interview with Brendon Burchard in between writing this and want to share a good quote by Brendon, which sums up how I feel about self-care and the best reason I’ve heard for doing it:

“If you won’t take care of yourself for yourself, take care of yourself so you’re less rude to other people. When you’re tired, science shows that you’re more irritable, you’re more short and you’re faster to conflict [...] And if you believe in associations - if you drain yourself everyday in service, and at the end of the day you’re burnt out and you’re tired, at some point your body, your brain, your spirit and your soul starts associating your purpose with that feeling. And one day - your psychology goes: maybe your purpose is wrong. The behaviour that leads to a feeling that doesn’t feel good - your brain doesn’t know sometimes and it puts them together and now you question your purpose, when really you’re tired.”

And onto intentions - I will keep these very short and sweet. For the last few years - thanks to my friend Anne, I’ve picked a word at the beginning of the year, which I hope will form its theme: a word to inspire the year ahead. In 2017 it was ‘EXECUTE’ and in 2018 it was ‘BALANCE’, I didn’t actually have one last year, but this year I’m choosing ‘DISCIPLINE’ - because when I am disciplined - i.e. having a daily self-care practise of exercise, meditation, controlling my negative thoughts, taking my supplements, eating healthy, creating content consistently (even if I don’t think its perfect) and doing the things that make me feel better and happier (because these are the things I can control) - I operate at my best, perform better and I’m a better friend, daughter, sister and worker. I also intend to show more of myself to you (and the outside world), so we can have more thoughtful conversations and exchanges that go beyond advising you on a good pair of jeans.

So if you are here, I hope that by reading this, it will inspire you to really think and reflect on the things you’ve learnt in the past year and decade. And do it now, before you get bogged down with work or in the rigmarole of the everyday. Make a list - there’s no better way than writing them down, and give yourself a pat on the back for how far you’ve come. And then on a separate piece of paper write down your goals for the next year and next five if you want to. I did this, but they’re things like saving money etc.. which aren’t very exciting, so I’ll spare you the details. I did however write a post on goal-setting a couple of years ago, which you might find helpful. And finally I will end this beast of a post with saying that life isn’t perfect, and it isn’t always how it appears, it’s messy and unpredictable and can throw you some real, life-changing challenges, but how lucky are we that we are here, alive and living. So do the things that you love, find your passion - if you don’t know what that is, try lots of different things out (it’s never to late to change) and aim to find more happiness in the small things - a coffee by yourself in a cafe whilst you watch the world go by outside, a good book, a great chat with a friend, listening to an inspiring podcast, doing a face mask, going for a walk (the best head clearer I know - I went on a lot of walks with myself over the last few months), have lunch in a park. Whatever the things are that bring you joy, I hope that you do more of them this year and have your best one yet. So here’s to a very happy, healthy and inspiring new year and decade!

Marissa xxx

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